Sadly, you won’t find the same person twice, not even in the same person.
“The man I love is no longer there” ….
Recently, I’ve grappled with a profound realization: the person I love seems to have changed in ways I never anticipated. It’s like watching someone you thought you knew slip away, leaving behind a stranger in their place — like a stranger in familiar skin.
This emotional journey is not just about missing their physical presence but mourning the deep connection and comfort of who they once were.
How do I explain to people?
Explaining this to others is a challenge in itself.
“Para akong namatayan” — The sense of loss isn’t just about what’s physically gone; it’s about mourning the familiarity and comfort of who they once were. It felt like this new person who was treating me like this had killed the man I loved.
It’s like losing them suddenly, without closure, and desperately searching for the person you fell in love with, desperately finding the connection we once shared, traces of them in fleeting moments.
How do you convey that while they have the same face, name, and voice he somewhat became unfamiliar, a stranger who no longer cherishes what you both held dear?
We have a two-pomeranian year old, and three 6 weeks old puppies. Whom we treated as our own, our “children”. As we were talking about them, I received a response that shattered my heart:
“I-uwi mo nalang sila kung gusto mo” <Take them home if you want > and
“Edi i-tinda nalang natin puppies” <Maybe we should just sell the puppies>.
It felt like a sudden realization that his love for our ‘children’ wasn’t as deep as I thought. His words left me devastated. I witnessed his indifference towards something we both cherished. It’s a painful reminder of how much has changed.
I’ve witnessed him change into someone I hardly recognize, causing me to re-evaluate our entire two-year relationship. It’s incredibly challenging to watch him thrive while I struggle, hoping against hope that the person I loved will reappear. Occasionally, the person I fell in love with, would show up. So I stayed and hoped that it was a sign that he might come back…But they never do.
While I hold onto hope, waiting and trusting that he will come back to me, acceptance has become crucial. Acknowledging who they are now, and how they treat you, is a painful reality that cannot be ignored.
Because how they feel about you now is real, and how they treat you now is part of who they are, so we have to stop holding on to who they were…
It’s a journey of grieving not just the end of a relationship, but also the loss of a version of them that meant the world to you. It’s a process that takes time, and it’s okay to mourn deeply for what once was.
Moving forward, remember that healing comes gradually. Focus on taking good care of yourself and finding solace in the memories that bring joy. Though the person you loved may not return in the same way, cherish the lessons learned and the strength gained from loving deeply, even through change. Because…
